I don't know where you are at right now. I bet at least some of you that are reading this if not most of you have been hurt very deeply at some point in your life. And maybe right now you aren't the most happiest of people. Maybe your pretty okay. Maybe most days for you are blah. Its not like your sad, depressed or angry but you are just lacking joy. Now before I continue I am in no meaning to say I have arrived. I am not trying to tell you I am in anyway better then you. All I want to do is to discuss the joy I have started to find on a more daily basis.
As most of you have heard I have been very depressed at certain points in my life. The peak of which is in high school during my freshmen and sophomore year. By this time I had endured some hardships. Again I am not trying to have a look at me and how great I am only sharing my life hoping you can find some of it useful. By the time I had reached my freshmen year in high school I had dealt with 3 grandparents dying, two dogs (I love my dogs) dying, parents divorce, another guy moving in (don't worry he is a great guy), my mom having breast cancer, and the list goes on. I hit rock bottom I was ready to lay it down and give up. But God whispered in my ear daily "I love you and have a plan for your life". So I refused to end it but I was far from happy. I had low self-esteem I was overweight and underliked. I smelled bad and few wanted to be my friend.
The next year my brother went off to college right when were were finally getting along. Life just wasn't going well. My mom went on to sell the only house we lived in and get married. I am very happy for her now but then I wasn't. That next summer I took the next stage in finding joy I really began to hold onto the truth that God loves me. It was in him I need to find my self-esteem. I am as you are created in the image of God. I worked at a camp where I served in the kitchen and the work crew boss helped me to understand how much God really loves us. Going into my senior year in high school I was no longer struggling with suicide and I understood I was loved but still I was far from being joyful.
The next year was a life changing experience I went off to college and for the first time I found my identify in Christ. Understanding that I can't define who I am in what I do but as a man who as been redeemed by a loving God
To finish it off a couple years later, which was this last summer. I went to Chicago and was forced to spend a lot of time by myself and spent finding my fulfillment in Jesus. I have always struggled with finding my joy in people. I in a very real way I worshiped people by putting them before God. It took a summer of being mostly alone to realize how to find satisfaction in him.
Now with all these in place I am living my life finding Joy in Christ and being a his Son.
Steps I took to find Joy
1. I urge you to understand that God loves you with a deep and passionate love beyond measure. Look up love in a concordance of a bible and see what it says about God. Especially look in 1 John and John.
2. Find your identity in Christ. Realize we can't do this life on our own. If we look at ourselves through the eyes of our failures of course we will see a wretched person indeed. But once you have accepted Jesus, he now stands in your place. He has covered your sins with his blood. Your a person who shines with Jesus' light. Realize he has not called you to a life of self-pity but redeemed living.
3. Find those things in your life that you put before Christ. Those little idols of people, sports, food, cars, girls, boys, movies, music, toys, etc. Whatever you think will satisfy you and realize it will disappoint you and leave you empty. So cast them away and strive to find your fulfillment in him and him alone.
This was at least how I am finding joy. It is a struggle but I am happy to say I am more joyful then I have ever been, or at least in recent memory. I pray that you find joy in Christ. Realize that he loves you and is calling you to something greater. He loves you with a deep and passionate love. Keep striving, keep living and allow him to guide you.
With love,
Dan
Monday, December 7, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Always Forever
There is this song that has been really hitting home for me lately. It has been played both at church and at school. It is cry out from a sinner to a God who saves. He is all I need and it is my prayer that I learn to follow him better. Last Saturday I was brought to tears by the love of God that is clearly displayed in this song. The lyrics and a link are below. Please read and listen, my prayer is that you will understand more clearly that God loves you and cares so much for you.
You are the hand that catches my fall
You are the friend that answers my call
You are my day, You are my night
You are my love and all of my life
You are the love I need
You are the air I breathe
You are my love my life always forever
I would lay down my life
Just to be by Your side
You are my love my life always forever
You are the grace that covers my sin
You’re everything the beginning and end
You have my soul, my heart and my mind
You have my love and all of my life
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, forever
Here is a you tube video of it.
You are the hand that catches my fall
You are the friend that answers my call
You are my day, You are my night
You are my love and all of my life
You are the love I need
You are the air I breathe
You are my love my life always forever
I would lay down my life
Just to be by Your side
You are my love my life always forever
You are the grace that covers my sin
You’re everything the beginning and end
You have my soul, my heart and my mind
You have my love and all of my life
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, forever
Here is a you tube video of it.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Jesus my all in all
To be open and honest I have not been doing the best lately. I have been short tempered. I mean shorter tempered and slightly depressed and I think it all boils down to one thing. That thing is that Jesus isn't my all in all. I don't want you to get the wrong idea I am not so upset that you need to worry. I AM OK! But Jesus isn't who I am putting all my faith and trust in.
My whole life I have felt a little strange and a little different. And most of my life I had been mostly ok with it. But a friend came along and we got to know each other better. Well eventually I began to realize that she got me better then anyone had before. I could talk to her about anything and she would almost always know how to respond. But as life goes on we drifted and she no longer was a person I could go to with things. For the first time in my life I felt someone got it. And then poof she was gone.
I am still trying to find that person who will get it. Who will get why I do the things I do. The person who will accept me and love me for exactly who I am. I know I have friends and family who love me but you get what I am saying. Every corner I turn I am still looking. But you see I have him. Jesus gets me way better then she ever did. He understands why I do the things I do. And he isn't going anywhere. Jesus loves me enough that he died for me! And while I still may find another person I will never find someone as good as Jesus. He needs to be my all in all. My life, my true care. Jesus needs to be the one I am looking for.
My prayer for you is that you will join my journey. That you will find that Jesus needs to be your all in all. Fight for it. Pray that Jesus helps you to find fulfillment in him!
Love,
Dan
My whole life I have felt a little strange and a little different. And most of my life I had been mostly ok with it. But a friend came along and we got to know each other better. Well eventually I began to realize that she got me better then anyone had before. I could talk to her about anything and she would almost always know how to respond. But as life goes on we drifted and she no longer was a person I could go to with things. For the first time in my life I felt someone got it. And then poof she was gone.
I am still trying to find that person who will get it. Who will get why I do the things I do. The person who will accept me and love me for exactly who I am. I know I have friends and family who love me but you get what I am saying. Every corner I turn I am still looking. But you see I have him. Jesus gets me way better then she ever did. He understands why I do the things I do. And he isn't going anywhere. Jesus loves me enough that he died for me! And while I still may find another person I will never find someone as good as Jesus. He needs to be my all in all. My life, my true care. Jesus needs to be the one I am looking for.
My prayer for you is that you will join my journey. That you will find that Jesus needs to be your all in all. Fight for it. Pray that Jesus helps you to find fulfillment in him!
Love,
Dan
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Standing at the Brink
As you probably know I have started my Senior year at Corban College. In many ways I have been looking at and thinking about this time for most of my life. At several different stages I was absolutely convinced what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Some examples are being a youth pastor, starting a church/Young Life partnership, being a counselor, working at Wildhorse for a few years, go to Alaska for a year and the list goes on.
But here is the point each one of these time I was absolutely convinced of what I wanted to do. So what was the problem? It was what I wanted to do. I was praying for God to give me an answer but he is not obligated to give me one. Especially when its years before I graduate.
So I stand at the brink at a loss of what exactly to do. I know what I am passionate about but those can be used in various careers. And just because I am passionate about some things does that mean that I have to do something that meets all those passions? I don't think so. I believe that sometimes God can call us to things that don't meet all the needs that we desire. Because sometimes he can better use us in those situations.
Again here I am and I have only a little idea how what this next stage in my life will look like. But the thing is I am ok with it. Too often I think I make the mistake of forcing my own will instead of letting him guide me steps.
Furthermore, I don't think I need to be doing the same thing all my life. A mentor of mine who I call my Camp Dad because he very much has been a dad to me while I was at camp once told me of the different jobs he has done over the years. And how each one has prepared him for what he is doing today. Therefore wherever Jesus takes me after college that is the end. I will go on to do other things and they will be where he wants me then to.
I pray that you too are finding the peace that comes with letting go. The joy of following and the comfort of accepting.
But here is the point each one of these time I was absolutely convinced of what I wanted to do. So what was the problem? It was what I wanted to do. I was praying for God to give me an answer but he is not obligated to give me one. Especially when its years before I graduate.
So I stand at the brink at a loss of what exactly to do. I know what I am passionate about but those can be used in various careers. And just because I am passionate about some things does that mean that I have to do something that meets all those passions? I don't think so. I believe that sometimes God can call us to things that don't meet all the needs that we desire. Because sometimes he can better use us in those situations.
Again here I am and I have only a little idea how what this next stage in my life will look like. But the thing is I am ok with it. Too often I think I make the mistake of forcing my own will instead of letting him guide me steps.
Furthermore, I don't think I need to be doing the same thing all my life. A mentor of mine who I call my Camp Dad because he very much has been a dad to me while I was at camp once told me of the different jobs he has done over the years. And how each one has prepared him for what he is doing today. Therefore wherever Jesus takes me after college that is the end. I will go on to do other things and they will be where he wants me then to.
I pray that you too are finding the peace that comes with letting go. The joy of following and the comfort of accepting.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
RAing and other things
I don't even know where to begin. It has been several weeks since I updated. I guess I will just do my typical thing and just let my fingers fly and see where it takes me.
Well I have been home for about 3 and 1/2 weeks now. And been at school for a little more then 2 weeks now for RA training. It has been so good seeing the friends that I missed so much. There are still several that I want to see. So if you live in Oregon and I haven't seen you yet, hit me up. But it has been a blessing just chillin with the friends.
So Like I said the last couple weeks I have been at school for RA training where you are basically a slave to the Student Life team. In some ways that has been frustrating but it is a very needed time of team building and various other trainings. Here is some of the things we have done: gone on a retreat, all day training in CPR and First Aid, two days of workshops, lots of mandatory but needed hangout time, made a video that will be shown at an all school gathering, decorated our halls, spent a day weeding, and had a dedication dinner for student life leaders to present there plan to all the important people.
So this year has been quite the change in the dorm. First of all we have a new RD who is pretty awesome by the way. But I had Eugene as my RD for the last three years one of which I was an RA. Also, there are several people who don't live in the dorm this year but have lived in it with my for the last three years. From my first semester here at Corban there are only three other people that are still in the dorm with me.
However, the team in Farrar is a really good team. At first I felt very out of the group because the three of them spent a lot of time together. But I have enjoyed getting to know them better. One of them has been teaching me better how to play Disc Golf I am still way worse then most people but I am a lot better then I was so that is fantastic!
Hmm, what else do you want to know? OH, I got my hall and my room are way better then they were last year. If you know what I am talking about you should come check out them both.
Also, since I had such little space of my own this last summer I tended to stay pretty organized maybe not by my brother's standards but by mine. So get this my room is staying fairly clean at least compared to last year.
Oh I just remembered something else. I am so excited about my hall I have a really solid group of returners and what seems to be pretty awesome new people. So this is going to be a good year!
Gosh I just can't seem to stop writing. I have simi-started leading at the church which I am interning. RA training has been a little crazy so I haven't been able to start fully yet. However, I met most of the guys I will be working with. I am going to be a freshmen guy leader which is going to be great!
Also, sorry I left this til last but I am still not sure how to phrase it and was trying to figure that out. But God has still been doing some amazing things in my heart and my soul. Contentment is coming easier and so is following him. I know He is with me and guiding me!
Love,
Dan
Well I have been home for about 3 and 1/2 weeks now. And been at school for a little more then 2 weeks now for RA training. It has been so good seeing the friends that I missed so much. There are still several that I want to see. So if you live in Oregon and I haven't seen you yet, hit me up. But it has been a blessing just chillin with the friends.
So Like I said the last couple weeks I have been at school for RA training where you are basically a slave to the Student Life team. In some ways that has been frustrating but it is a very needed time of team building and various other trainings. Here is some of the things we have done: gone on a retreat, all day training in CPR and First Aid, two days of workshops, lots of mandatory but needed hangout time, made a video that will be shown at an all school gathering, decorated our halls, spent a day weeding, and had a dedication dinner for student life leaders to present there plan to all the important people.
So this year has been quite the change in the dorm. First of all we have a new RD who is pretty awesome by the way. But I had Eugene as my RD for the last three years one of which I was an RA. Also, there are several people who don't live in the dorm this year but have lived in it with my for the last three years. From my first semester here at Corban there are only three other people that are still in the dorm with me.
However, the team in Farrar is a really good team. At first I felt very out of the group because the three of them spent a lot of time together. But I have enjoyed getting to know them better. One of them has been teaching me better how to play Disc Golf I am still way worse then most people but I am a lot better then I was so that is fantastic!
Hmm, what else do you want to know? OH, I got my hall and my room are way better then they were last year. If you know what I am talking about you should come check out them both.
Also, since I had such little space of my own this last summer I tended to stay pretty organized maybe not by my brother's standards but by mine. So get this my room is staying fairly clean at least compared to last year.
Oh I just remembered something else. I am so excited about my hall I have a really solid group of returners and what seems to be pretty awesome new people. So this is going to be a good year!
Gosh I just can't seem to stop writing. I have simi-started leading at the church which I am interning. RA training has been a little crazy so I haven't been able to start fully yet. However, I met most of the guys I will be working with. I am going to be a freshmen guy leader which is going to be great!
Also, sorry I left this til last but I am still not sure how to phrase it and was trying to figure that out. But God has still been doing some amazing things in my heart and my soul. Contentment is coming easier and so is following him. I know He is with me and guiding me!
Love,
Dan
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Back in Oregon; Summary of Lessons Learned.
WOW, what a journey. I was in Chicago for two days over 11 weeks. This was the longest I had ever been away from home. I can not attempt to summarize everything I did there or how I walked away changed. So instead I will attempt to summarize the lessons I learned instead of the things I did.
Lesson 1 (Diversity)
The first thing that hit me about Chicago was all the diversity. I will not spend any time on this lesson because I discussed it in a previous note as well as a facebook note.
Lesson 2 (Dependence)
Another lesson I learned was how to better depend on God. This happened for several reasons. First was that by the nature of my brother's jobs and the busy lives people tend to lead in Chicago I had to spend a lot of time by myself. I typically hate being by myself. But WHAT A BLESSING! I read my bible on a regular basis. I was praying more then I had in years. But this was only half the piece. I am reading a book that a friend in Chicago hooked me on this book was The Spirit-Filled Life by Charles Stanley. The first few chapters really drive home the idea of being dependent on the spirit. I am still reading this book and it is changing me for the better.
Lesson 3 (Satisfied)
This lesson was discussed in previous blog please see it.
Lesson 4 (Devoted)
While similar to dependence I do not think they are the same thing. I can be completely and utterly devoted to something but not be dependent on it. I also think I can be dependent it on something but not be devoted to it. With that being said I learned better how to be devoted to God because of things listed in all the other lessons. But also because of a book which I mentioned in previous blogs called the Heavenly Man by Brother Yun. This book shows the life of a man who is so devoted to God and the ministry God called him to that he nearly loses everything else (which was clearly not God's will for his Life). It was like a smack in the face. I realized I need to be devoted to God in all I do!
While I have learned more lessons, I think we all know how learning lessons goes. We often forget we learned, we don't think it really matters anymore, ect. So the three listed above I am praying I remember and forever will remember the summer in Chicago where I learned how to give more of myself to the one who gave all of his.
If you would like to know more about my time in Chicago then I would love to talk to you.
I am going to keep blogging it will be the same address just retitled. Look for it!
Love,
Dan
Lesson 1 (Diversity)
The first thing that hit me about Chicago was all the diversity. I will not spend any time on this lesson because I discussed it in a previous note as well as a facebook note.
Lesson 2 (Dependence)
Another lesson I learned was how to better depend on God. This happened for several reasons. First was that by the nature of my brother's jobs and the busy lives people tend to lead in Chicago I had to spend a lot of time by myself. I typically hate being by myself. But WHAT A BLESSING! I read my bible on a regular basis. I was praying more then I had in years. But this was only half the piece. I am reading a book that a friend in Chicago hooked me on this book was The Spirit-Filled Life by Charles Stanley. The first few chapters really drive home the idea of being dependent on the spirit. I am still reading this book and it is changing me for the better.
Lesson 3 (Satisfied)
This lesson was discussed in previous blog please see it.
Lesson 4 (Devoted)
While similar to dependence I do not think they are the same thing. I can be completely and utterly devoted to something but not be dependent on it. I also think I can be dependent it on something but not be devoted to it. With that being said I learned better how to be devoted to God because of things listed in all the other lessons. But also because of a book which I mentioned in previous blogs called the Heavenly Man by Brother Yun. This book shows the life of a man who is so devoted to God and the ministry God called him to that he nearly loses everything else (which was clearly not God's will for his Life). It was like a smack in the face. I realized I need to be devoted to God in all I do!
While I have learned more lessons, I think we all know how learning lessons goes. We often forget we learned, we don't think it really matters anymore, ect. So the three listed above I am praying I remember and forever will remember the summer in Chicago where I learned how to give more of myself to the one who gave all of his.
If you would like to know more about my time in Chicago then I would love to talk to you.
I am going to keep blogging it will be the same address just retitled. Look for it!
Love,
Dan
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Its coming to an End!
Wow what a summer. I have no way I can summarize everything I have done here over the summer. I am grown so much, and I have had many trials to refine me. God is so Good! He has perfect plans for my life an I can clearly see now how Chicago was a part of it all. I love him so much because he died to free me and to be with me for ever. The greatest part of that story is it isn't just me but for all of you. I you are readying this and don't know the much about God or this Jesus I often talk about. Please pull me aside I would love to tell you more.
A few days ago I got to go to the Blue man group. And oh my gosh it was so entertaining. They mixed talent with some great comedy. After the show my brother looks at me and says I knew you would like it. And boy was he right! And get this it was FREE!!!!! How you ask? Because I ushered, basically just showed people where there seats were and cleaned up afterwords. It was really great!
This past Friday it was my brother Patrick's Birthday and it was been a long time since we have been together on his birthday. It was really great to be here and celebrate with him for his special day. Between camps and missions stuff between the two of us I might have been as long as 04 since we spent his birthday together. We just had some of his friends and went out to eat it was pretty great though.
Yesterday (Saturday) I got to spend the day with Joel and Karyn Guido they moved to a Suburb our here and went to school with me back at Corban. It was really great seeing them even though we got really lost and went totally the wrong way it was so cool hanging out with them. I hope when I come back to Chicago I will get to see them.
Today (Sunday) was the biggest blessing of all. After church we typically get a group together and go out to eat somewhere. Well today everyone seems to have their own plans and I ended walking back all by myself. This being my last Sunday in Chicago i was pretty frustrated just saying goodbye to everyone then. Well I was home and my brother had a couple friends come over and we had a cookout. Well soon more and more people we showing up. Before a good chuck of my dear Chicago friends showed up all to say goodbye to me. It was a great way to end to summer. I am going to miss them all so dearly. But what a blessing. Chicago friends who have shaped me into a better person and I am going to miss you guys so much. See you when I come back!
While I still am not coming home until Tuesday I really just have Monday left. I think that is going to be a day just spend relaxing and spending some good bro time. Wow what a journey it has been.
Prayer Requests
That I take what I have learned home with me
Countdowns
here 11 weeks as of today (Sunday)
home on Tuesday (CRAZY!!!!!)
Love,
Dan
A few days ago I got to go to the Blue man group. And oh my gosh it was so entertaining. They mixed talent with some great comedy. After the show my brother looks at me and says I knew you would like it. And boy was he right! And get this it was FREE!!!!! How you ask? Because I ushered, basically just showed people where there seats were and cleaned up afterwords. It was really great!
This past Friday it was my brother Patrick's Birthday and it was been a long time since we have been together on his birthday. It was really great to be here and celebrate with him for his special day. Between camps and missions stuff between the two of us I might have been as long as 04 since we spent his birthday together. We just had some of his friends and went out to eat it was pretty great though.
Yesterday (Saturday) I got to spend the day with Joel and Karyn Guido they moved to a Suburb our here and went to school with me back at Corban. It was really great seeing them even though we got really lost and went totally the wrong way it was so cool hanging out with them. I hope when I come back to Chicago I will get to see them.
Today (Sunday) was the biggest blessing of all. After church we typically get a group together and go out to eat somewhere. Well today everyone seems to have their own plans and I ended walking back all by myself. This being my last Sunday in Chicago i was pretty frustrated just saying goodbye to everyone then. Well I was home and my brother had a couple friends come over and we had a cookout. Well soon more and more people we showing up. Before a good chuck of my dear Chicago friends showed up all to say goodbye to me. It was a great way to end to summer. I am going to miss them all so dearly. But what a blessing. Chicago friends who have shaped me into a better person and I am going to miss you guys so much. See you when I come back!
While I still am not coming home until Tuesday I really just have Monday left. I think that is going to be a day just spend relaxing and spending some good bro time. Wow what a journey it has been.
Prayer Requests
That I take what I have learned home with me
Countdowns
here 11 weeks as of today (Sunday)
home on Tuesday (CRAZY!!!!!)
Love,
Dan
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